One Year On
by Notinspired
Summary: One year after Danielle's death, Ronnie struggles to cope but knows that deep down she has to keep strong.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys, this is just a short fic I'm writing, should only be about 3- 4 chapters long. Just something I thought I'd write as it is, like a year since I started reading these fics after watching the episode on 2****nd**** April 2009. Thanks for any Reviews.**

Ronnie stared deeply in to the locket, the picture she knew so well. The picture she had stared at countless nights, trying to provide any form of comfort. It seemed as if time had stood still that night, the night where all her dreams came true, yet all became broken once more. Seeing Danielle's smile as she looked across at Ronnie, just meters away from each other and no one else around, all that was important was finally being with her Amy, the perfect young woman she had only known as Danielle, only some girl who she had never paid attention too.

The eyes had met and both women felt warm and full of love, Ronnie's eyes watered as the emotion ran through her, as Danielle began to step forward towards her edging out in to the road.

Then it happened, the most perfect moment in Ronnie's life was ruined, seeing Danielle stare helplessly at the approaching car, too scared and shocked to move. Time had moved so fast, Danielle was lying on the floor and the screech of a car skidding was heard behind her.

Ronnie wiped the tears in her eyes, she had sat in her living room for over 3 hours already, her mind kept casting back to the event.

Ronnie had ran over to Danielle's side, kneeling down and gently helping her turn over, before holding her in her arms. "Danielle..." she had cried, seeing her perfect angel of a daughter now struck with fear and pain, more than ever before. Ronnie had cradled her slowly, gently whispering to Danielle. Whispering how much she loved her, how things would be perfectly fine, how they could build their new life together. Danielle had listened to every word, Janine had been franticly talking in the background, Ronnie had to stray her eyes away from her baby to scream at her to call an ambulance. Turning her head back, she saw Danielle's eyes filling with more pain, the realisation that she was suffering had made Ronnie's heart break more. "Don't worry, an ambulance will be here soon, you'll be fine just fine" Ronnie had weakly smiled at Danielle who still stared up at her.

The faintest noise was coming from Danielle as she tried to speak, wanting desperately to say something; Ronnie had gently placed her hand on her lips. "Don't try and speak" she felt her eyes fill with fresh tears as Danielle's eyes did also. Seeing her baby in so much pain was unbearable. "Mum..." the faint voice of Danielle sounded weak and heartbroken, the only word she could manage to say, calling out for Ronnie's help. Ronnie held Danielle tighter and cradled her softly, trying to hold on. "I'm sorry Danielle, I'm so sorry" she cried louder. Turning around she saw Janine still standing. "Call an ambulance!" she screamed still maintaining the tight grip on her daughter.

She looked back to Danielle who was breathing heavily and was finding it difficult to breathe. "Come on baby, breathe, you'll be fine" Ronnie stroked Danielle's hair and smiled. Danielle looked back at her mother; however the smile was not enough to reassure her. Danielle knew it was too late.

Ronnie kept whispering words of comfort, until she heard footsteps, turning around she noticed Janine had turned around to see Roxy and Stacey rushing towards them, their faces filled with horror at the sight before them. "Don't just stand there call an Ambulance!" Ronnie screamed once more, desperate for someone to help her baby, scared that without help she could lose the most important thing in her life. Ronnie saw Stacey's eyes fix on Danielle, Ronnie turned to face her only to find she had her eyes shut, she had become limp and was lifeless. "Danielle?" Ronnie whispered, fear overtaking her voice. "Danielle?" she cried again, before gently feeling for any breathing. There was nothing. Her baby had died.

The last thing Ronnie remembered was screaming, so loud that all the pain seemed to rush through and echo throughout the whole street. Time had gone so fast, holding her baby tight, while Roxy tried to comfort her, she didn't need Roxy, she just needed Danielle, until the ambulance finally arrived. Ronnie knew now that her baby was gone. It wasn't fair.

Ronnie held the locket tighter, closing her eyes as she did so. April 2nd 2010, one year had passed since that day, she glanced across at the clock, it was only 13:24. She stood up, wiping the tears from her eyes, placing the locket in her pocket, stroking the surface with her finger and thumb, keeping it as comfort. She knew now there was only one place to go, she needed to visit Danielle's grave, just to be near her baby once more, the resting place where her daughter had been in peace for nearly a year since she was buried there.

Ronnie sighed and glanced at the picture across on the shelf, the picture of Danielle smiling, her beautiful eyes full of happiness, before Ronnie had destroyed her life, before she had made Danielle suffer for no reason. The time when her baby was living, just as she should be now, this was the only picture she had of Danielle truly happy.

She averted her eyes and turned to walk out of the room, she had a long journey ahead, she needed to get to Telford, she needed to be with her baby once more.


	2. Chapter 2 'Grave'

**Hey guys, this is part 2 of my short story one year after Danielle's death. Might go on to be longer not sure yet. If anyone ever wants it to be longer I might consider it.**

Ronnie felt a gentle wind blow through her hair, she was here, Telford. The very place her daughter had grown up and lived her life. Yet now Ronnie stood over her baby's grave, the place she had rested for a year.

She collapsed down on to the soft grass, the journey here had been terrifying, Ronnie been unable to take her mind off Danielle, the whole journey on her bike had made

She gently placed the flowers down by the grave stone before placing her hands on the ground supporting her weight; she knew coming here would be a tough experience. It would cause her to breakdown; she knew that from the start, she wiped her eyes and cleared her throat.

"Hi Sweetie..." she spoke quietly, placing her hand on the grave, "I got you some flowers" she smiled to herself weakly, despite everything she hoped that the flowers are the kind Danielle would have loved. "They're beautiful, just like you" Ronnie felt her voice getting weaker, her eyes would keep forming with tears, there was no point wiping them away. "I'm so sorry for everything baby..." Ronnie felt so overwhelmed with guilt while sitting where her baby rested, the whole reason she had been dead was because of her. Over the past year Ronnie had been wreck less and had made a lot of poor attempts to move on from the loss of her daughter. Not that any of it would ever have helped at all, despite everything that had happened during the past year, deep down all she had wanted; all she had ever needed was to be with Danielle.

"I miss you so much, I wish you were here now..." let out a watery cry as she thought about how different things would be if Danielle had not died.

"**We can live together like Mother and Daughter"**

Living with Danielle would have been the most perfect thing that could have happened, Danielle could have worked on the Stall like normal and at the end of the day both of them could go home and spend time together. All the quality time that was so precious.

"If I could see you...one more time and just...hold you, be the mother you always wanted...I could have...I would have just..." Ronnie shook her head, Stacey had told Ronnie of all the times Danielle had cried in her room over the way Ronnie had treated her. All the times that Danielle had stayed in her room claiming she was worthless and no one would ever want her. Each time Stacey told Ronnie, she felt terrible yet at the same time she wanted to know, she wanted to know about everything that Danielle had ever done, how emotional she was. Despite knowing about her daughter, Ronnie felt destroyed; there were so many opportunities to have spent with Danielle. Even the time when she had taken her to have an abortion, Danielle had hugged Ronnie so tight, at the time Ronnie had simply supported her out of kindness, not knowing it was her baby who was suffering, her daughter who was needing all the comfort in the world.

Ronnie knew she was always cold, all because of the loss she had endured. "Life isn't the same without you anymore, all the things that could have been...all the stuff we could have done, all the time we could have spent together...I would have treated you like the...perfect girl you are...I would have...I should have treated you better...I just....I'm...I can't..." Ronnie placed her head in her hands, crying heavily. Words were so hard to find in this situation, speaking to her baby, when it was too late. Too late to say how much she loved her, over and over. The only time she could ever spend with her baby was at the place where she would remain forever, the place she had grew up and the place she had been buried.

Ronnie had sat crying for what seemed like an hour, sitting in the same spot until she could no longer feel her legs, emotion flooding through her along with all the guilt and loss that had drove her to depression not long after Danielle had died. The year had seemed to go so fast yet so slow at the same time, Ronnie could never make sense of it.

"**Who would want a daughter like you?" **

Ronnie sighed, that sentence had burned through her for a whole year and regret ran through her every time she remembered how she had yelled at her baby. Danielle was so scared and so fragile yet she had ruined her with that one sentence, crushing her world.

Ronnie had regretted nothing more than saying that, without saying that Danielle might have never tried to leave Walford. "It's my fault" Ronnie cried "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry it's my fault I never wanted to lose you, I love you so much, I love you, I love you" Ronnie chanted the words, each time her heartbreaking just wanting to hold Danielle in her arms once more and tell her how much she loved her all day.

"**Mum..."**

The last words that Danielle had ever spoke, the one word that had changed Ronnie's life when she was just 14, the one word she had wanted so much to hear her little girl call for her all those years ago, the last word her baby angel had ever spoke to her. Before she had died in her arms, no pain could ever compare to that. Nothing at all could be compared to it.


	3. Chapter 3 'Home Video'

**Hey, this story is coming to an end, 2 chapters left. Please Review! Chapter 3 'Home Video'**

"I can't believe it's been a year" Ronnie sighed. Andy took a seat opposite her, nearby was the shelf that held all the photographs of Danielle at different stages of her child hood. "It's been lonely without her" Andy muttered quietly looking at the photos; Ronnie nodded and followed Andy's eyes to notice the pictures of Danielle. All of the photos showed her, a young girl smiling at the camera, no older than 6 years old. At the time these were taken, Ronnie herself would have been only 20, each day thinking where her beautiful girl was, what she was doing and who was looking after her.

"I miss her..." Ronnie wiped her eyes, "This past year has just..." she shook her head, Andy nodded his head, as if he knew what she was trying to say. "Unreal" he finished, glancing once more at one of the bigger photos, Danielle with her brother Gareth.

"When was that one taken?" Ronnie asked cautiously. "It was Danielle's 18th Birthday" Andy sighed, remembering the memory, it clearly looked like a very happy time judging by the photo. "She was so happy..." Andy wiped his eyes, seeing Danielle so happy in the photos were some of the only reminders he had of her. "Gareth recorded her opening his present" Andy smiled, "we used to always do home videos with our old camcorder, then Gareth got this new camera and he made a video..just home stuff you know..." Andy shifted in his chair clearly still uncomfortable talking about the past. Ronnie nodded "You like to keep all the memories available to watch again..."

"I could show you if you want" he said after quite some time, Ronnie's eyes widened. "You have it?" she couldn't contain the excitement of seeing a video of Danielle happy. "It's in her room, she kept all the videos for when Gareth went away, she missed him a lot, so she collected them all in a box. We can go up now..." Andy replied, standing up. Ronnie nodded; the thought of going back up in to Danielle's room made her nervous but at the same time gave her peace of mind, to be in the room where Danielle would have spent most of her time.

Andy gently inserted the video in to the TV, "I've watched this so many times over the past year, I don't really like to...well you know I just sort of...watch it sometimes" Andy stuttered, Ronnie placed her arm on his shoulder, "I know what you mean...you've been lucky to be with her all these years, you have all these memories and I would do anything to have been a part of them" Andy smiled back to Ronnie. They were quickly interrupted by Danielle's gentle laughing.

Ronnie found herself mesmerized by Danielle who was now lighting up the screen.

"**Open it!" **the voice of Gareth came from behind the camera **"You can't film me now, I've only just got up" **Danielle pleaded to the camera, gently placing her hand on her hair thinking she looked tired and messy although Ronnie knew that was impossible. Andy laughed slightly, remembering the memory. **"You're fine, besides I need to film you now it's you're 18 now!" **Gareth laughed off screen, the camera slowly zoomed in on Danielle who gave a slight embarrassed smile as she still held Gareth's present while she sat in her bed.

"She's so beautiful" Ronnie didn't even know she had said that until Andy responded, "When she was little people would always stop and look at her, when she was a baby she was always laughing and was just about-" Ronnie quickly interrupted, "perfect" she finished off the sentence for Andy.

"**This must have cost a fortune!" **Danielle's voice came from the TV as she held Gareth's gift, a new camera, **"This is better than the one you're using now!" **she laughed looking in to the camera. **"You can use it later when you go out and get drunk with your friends, show us what you all do on a night out" **Gareth laughed when Danielle frowned at the camera. **"Thanks anyway" **Danielle smiled.

The tape suddenly skipped ahead to a later date, where Danielle was now dressed up ready to go out to meet her friends, she looked amazing, incredibly beautiful. So much so it took Ronnie's breath away.

"**Not again Gareth" **Danielle sighed as she noticed the camera in the room, **"Come on! Dad will want to see you looking pretty" **he teased, Danielle rolled her eyes, **"Do I look ok?" **She asked after examining the clothes she wore. **"Yeah...would be a shame if you wake up tomorrow and throw up all over it" **Gareth laughed once more. **"I'm not going to get drunk...just meet some friends that's all" **Danielle tried to defend herself.

Ronnie couldn't help but smile, imagining all the things Danielle would have done when she was that age.

"**It's your eighteenth! Of course you'll get drunk" **Gareth remarked, **"Now Dad will want to see all of this, he told me to film all of this" **Gareth slowly zoomed in on Danielle's face with the camera. **"I still wish he could have been here" **Danielle sighed.

"I had to do some work...it was getting tough back then and I couldn't really spend so much time with them both" Andy commented, sighing clearly regretting the lack of time spent with Danielle. Ronnie nodded sympathetically.

"**Say it then!" **Gareth called, **"Fine...Love you dad thanks for the present" **Danielle waved at the camera, Danielle laughed before the camera stopped and the tape had ended.

Ronnie felt her eyes burning with tears, despite everything that had happened in the past year. All she wanted was for Danielle to be alive, here with Ronnie and to be happy. All she wanted was her baby back.

"Well that's it" Andy stood up and took the tape out, he wiped his eyes. "She was so full of life" he sighed, "I just want her back"

"Me too..." Ronnie stared deeply in to a nearby photo of Danielle smiling side by side with Gareth. "She didn't deserve any of the pain I caused her..." Ronnie gently picked up the photo and stared deeply in to Danielle's eyes.

"I love you" she whispered to the photo, Andy heard but decided it was best not to say anything. Ronnie gently stroked the photo and closed her eyes. If only things had turned out differently.

If only...


	4. Chapter 4 'Home'

**Hey, sorry for the delay. Here's chapter 4 'Home' This is part 4 of 5, I wanted to keep this story short, The final chapter should be out Sunday night, Then I'll continue with my other stories. Thanks.**

"It's been a long year" Andy sighed, he had just finished placing Danielle's belongings back in a box, various things were contained in there, hand written notes and other small pieces of things that Danielle had kept safe. Ronnie sat on Danielle's bed next to him; "It's gone so fast...yet at the same time it seemed to go so slow" she nodded, remembering herself the events of the past year.

Silence had loomed once more, something that had happened quite often since Ronnie arrived; "I kept the bear" Ronnie smiled, breaking the silence. "The bear you gave me that...she had when she was young, I still have it..." Ronnie paused, still unsure what to say, Andy seemed almost lost in his own world. Andy lifted his head after some time; "Would you have been there for her?" he asked looking at Ronnie's face for the first time in a while, Ronnie however was cautious as to what Andy meant. "What...What do you mean?" she asked trying to keep all eye contact at least to ensure that she could answer his question truthfully. "If you had got to her in time, if you knew she was your daughter and she had never...if she...was here now would you be with her? Look after her? Would you have been the mother she wanted?" He asked keeping a stern eye on Ronnie. She nodded quickly, "Of course....if I had found her in time...or believed her...I would have how could I not have?" She asked in disbelief, of course she would have been there for Danielle, she would have spent every day with her.

Andy shook his head, "I'm sorry" he sighed and placed his head back in to his hands. "You were there when she...died...when she was scared and...I just hope she...wasn't...you know when she died...she was with someone who loved her..." Ronnie placed her hand on his shoulder, "She was, I loved her more than anything in the world, how could I not love my baby, she was everything I..." Ronnie stopped and glanced over at a photograph of Danielle, one she had continued to stare at often. "Everything I had ever wanted, the kindest, beautiful girl...I only wish i had more time with her...to just tell her I love her." Ronnie tore her eyes away from Danielle's photo, unable to stare at it any longer, the pain fighting its way back in.

A few minutes later Andy had lead Ronnie back downstairs, Ronnie knew it was nearing her time to leave, however she wasn't sure when she should decide to leave, she didn't want to leave Andy on his own yet. They had sat for some time talking more about Danielle and about each other; conversation had become less awkward as time ticked by. "Well...I think it's about time I should go...I'll be needing to get back" Ronnie said, standing up as she did so. "Thank you" Andy said, quickly standing up too, "I'm glad you came here...It felt good to talk..." Andy smiled, Ronnie nodded, "Yeah..." she glanced once more at another photo of Danielle on the shelf, "I'll show you out" Andy said guiding Ronnie through to the door way. Upon opening the door the sunlight shone bright causing Ronnie's eyes to hurt slightly, she turned to face Andy who stood in the door way. "Such as nice day...hard to believe it's a year since she passed..." Andy examined the sky, the sunlight and clouds made it look more like summer than April.

"Yeah...Nice day" Ronnie repeated, she turned to glance at her bike that was ready for her, she turned back and passed an awkward smile to Andy, "You will stay in touch this time?" He asked hopefully, "I've felt so alone without Gareth I...just need someone right now...someone who knew her also..." Ronnie nodded, "I have your number anyway, I'll keep in touch I promise" Ronnie smiled. "Well...I should go" she said finally, "Thanks for everything" Andy spoke quietly, "It means a lot to me" he smiled. Ronnie returned the smile before slowly turning around to head off to her bike, there was one more thing she had to do today. One final thing she had to do."


	5. Chapter 5 'Dreams of her'

**Hey guys, this has been delayed for a while, sorry. This is the last chapter of this Fic, now I can carry on work with my other 2 fics and update ALOT more often. Thanks for reading.**

Ronnie stood outside Stacey's house, it had been a long day so far, yet this was something Ronnie knew she had to do. Hesitating slightly she lifted her hand and knocked on the door.

It was a short time until Stacey opened the door to come face to face with Ronnie, she gave an awkward smile, she knew already why Ronnie was here, considering today was one year since they had both lost Danielle. "Ronnie" she spoke as if she was expecting her to visit all along. "Hey" Ronnie smiled awkwardly, not liking the fact their conversation had ended up becoming so awkward even though Ronnie had planned out in her head what he would say to Stacey.

"I visited Danielle's dad" she spoke more suddenly than she had expected to, Stacey stared for a moment before nodding and opening the door future to allow Ronnie to step inside. Ronnie did so passing a smile as she entered.

They made their way in to the living room, "Take a seat" Stacey pointed, Ronnie quickly moved to the sofa and sat on one end of it, Stacey took a seat near the sofa. "How was he? Is he ok?" Stacey quizzed instantly wanting answers. "He's coping...well he's coped well enough at least" Ronnie recalled the events of the past day. "I just...wanted to come round here to just...well...you know..." Ronnie cursed herself for not finding the right words at such a time. "You want to talk about it...I know what you mean, yeah" Stacey sighed sitting back in her chair. "So much has happened in this past year...I just feel so guilty all the time, I know me and you never got along but...now it's just too hard to think we won't ever see her again..." Stacey leaned forward once more. "Yeah I know you had it tough with Archie..." Stacey stopped speaking and seemed almost lost in thought for a moment before quickly looking back to Ronnie. "I had it tough too" her voice became more serious now. "I don't know what you really want me to do Ronnie but it's been a year, I know that but we can't change the past" Stacey wiped her eyes to avoid crying, despite the urge to, after everything that had happened to her in the space of one year.

Awkward silence fell once more; Ronnie's eyes scanned the room, searching for any pictures of Danielle. "I watched a home video of her" Ronnie said taking deep breaths as she spoke, Andy showed me one that her brother recorded...you know seeing her...laughing and happy for the first time, knowing that she's my baby...it made me proud, so very proud of her but at the same time, angry at myself, I'd never seen her laugh, not as my daughter anyway. Now I don't have that chance, I can't ever see my baby happy because of what I did to her...I don't expect you to do anything Stacey, I just wanted to...talk or...at least use this day to remember her..." Stacey quickly interrupted her "I always remember her, she was my best friend!...she isn't here now...all we can do is...dream...remember....none of it works she's dead!" she tried to keep her voice low, yet anger still lingered in her voice. She shook her head "I'm sorry" she sighed before leaning forward, "It's just been tough that's all...look...how about I make us a drink then we can...well..." Stacey slowly stood up awaiting Ronnie's answer. "Yeah...thanks" she replied with a weak smile.

An hour had passed, Stacey had been telling Ronnie various stories about Danielle, little things that had happened that wasn't really important to anyone else but for Ronnie was the only source of information on her daughter, by talking to someone else who had been with Danielle for the past year. Her best friend who had stuck by her all those times when Ronnie had broke her heart.

"She was a great person you know...despite everything I did to her, she was so kind and caring...the best friend I ever had and the only...my only true friend, who I trusted" Stacey felt exhausted after an hour of talking about Danielle, each minute that passed only brought more pain from the memories that she kept, memories that could never be shared with the one person who mattered.

Ronnie nodded, "I know...before I knew who she was...I mean...well, I always thought she was a kind girl...I just never looked out for her like I should have done..." she placed her head in her hands for a moment. She soon lifted her head up to see the clock, realising what time it was. "I should leave..." she trailed off, Stacey didn't say anything, Ronnie knew that this afternnon had been painful for both of them, yet at the same time Ronnie was glad she and Stacey had spoke as much as they did. "Well I'll show you out" Stacey smiled standing up, "Look Ronnie, I'm sorry for everything alright...I just miss her, I know you do too and I'm sure if she was still here you'd have been the mum she wanted you to be...I know you love her and...Well that's good enough for me" Stacey placed her hand on Ronnie's shoulder, unaware at the time that she did so. Ronnie stared in to Stacey's eyes she looked almost relieved. "Thank you...that means a lot, really it does" she whispered, her voice breaking as she did so. They arrived at the door, Ronnie stepped out and turned to face Stacey, "What will you do now?" Stacey asked curiously, Ronnie looked up in to the sky and sighed, "Go home...spend the rest of the night just...thinking I suppose" she smiled sadly, realising that the rest of the night would be full of pain. "You look after yourself...ok?" Stacey said cautiously noticing Ronnie's expression of sadness and almost fears. Ronnie nodded, "Think I'll go to bed early tonight..." Stacey frowned slightly after hearing Ronnie. "Like you said Stacey...all we can do is dream" Ronnie wiped her eyes and smiled weakly at Stacey before turning away and walking off back to her flat. Her dreams were waiting for her, once again she would dream of her daughter, the dreams she wished could come true, the dreams that allowed her to have her baby back in her arms at last.


End file.
